For most couples, on average sexual intercourse lasts no more than 5 minutes. Seeing as this is the ‘average’. It would suggest some of you will be like:

Yeah, that’s about right… go team average!”
“wow that’s pretty long… I need to up my game”
“damn that’s pretty short… my girl needs to appreciate me more!”

In truth, if you cannot run for longer than 5 minutes, there is very little chance of you being able to ‘bump n grind’ for longer than 5 minutes either.

Despite being born in Britain. I am 100% Jamaican! The Internet may question Jamaican men’s relationship commitment levels. BUT YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MEME QUESTIONING A JAMAICAN Or EVEN ANY OTHER WEST INDIAN’S LOVE MAKING ABILITIES, CREDENTIALS OR PROWESS- Lord a mercy!




With that proclaimed, if you want to improve your overall fitness checkout our other articles. However, this article is going to make sure that the next time you are lucky enough to find someone willing to let you have or waste 5 minutes of their time; that 5 minutes turns into 30 plus minutes of 90s R&B style love-making ie time well spent. In the words of R Kelly ‘seems like you’re ready’

Honorable mention:

funny sex picture, funny meme, crying black guyAs a man, a simple trick is to masturbate in the morning before you see your partner or even an hour before you meet them. However, this trick is not always practical and does not help you with the real issues at hand. What if you are spending the whole day with your partner on valentines day? It would be weird to disappear into the toilet for 5-10minutes of self-play. Thus, here are 5 ways to last longer in bed:

  1. Get to know your penis!

Some of you have had the same penis for 30 years and have not built up a working relationship with him. You just expect him to turn up to do a job and then shrivel back into his lonely existence. You expect him to come off the bench, without a warm up or a stretch and yet somehow put on a match winning performance. But instead he gets too excited loses his head and gets sent off because his tackle was too full on (his that was an amazing pun).
Do you even know his name?penis name, funny list, funny names, funny sexy memes, funny sex memes,

You: Hi Penis
Penis: Hi,
You: what’s your name then?
Penis: That’s kind of you to ask for once, well some people call me the truth, other people call me Big poppa dopulous, but you can call me A Pimp Named Slick Back- Like a Tribe called quest- you say the whole moniker.
You: that’s a bit of a mouthful…

Penis: That’s what she said! *high five*

Seriously, have a conversation with your penis. Find out:

  • A.What are his he likes and dislikes? find out what turns him off, what turns him on and what makes him lose his head; figuratively and literally.
  • B. What he has been up to lately? Remember, your sexual history and take yourself to the clinic for regular check-ups. It might be the case that your poor performance is indicative of a health problem or you just need to keep reading for some tips.
  • C. What clothes he enjoys wearing? – Condoms come in different sizes and sensitivity levels. A course of your lack of staying power could be you are wearing the wrong size condom.
  • D. Find out whether he needs a workout? Masturbate, wank, play with yourself, touch yourself, use oils and toys- do whatever is necessary to know exactly what turns you on and how much of it you can handle. Learning your limits is the foundation of prolonging, controlling and developing your sexual abilities. In short, work out how much you can take before you reach the point of no return, WMDs have been armed, nuclear codes have been launched and your package is already out for delivery- with its no returns policy in full effect.

But seriously, you need to find out what your body likes and does not like. Knowledge of your love stick is what is going to determine how and when you use it. How is: how fast, how slow, how deep, how many positions and how many breaks ie timeouts. When is: when do you need to stop before it is too late to stop and when do you need to go back to foreplay.

  1. Make or Get a Bedroom Playlist

The tunes are not simply there as a soundtrack to your personal love scene. A playlist can act as timing for your body, as well as your performance. George Bernard Shaw once said

‘Dancing is the vertical expression of the horizontal desire legalized by music’

Therefore, a good playlist can help the worst dancer and lover maker obtain a level of rhythm and timing. You are less likely to act like Sonic the Sex Hedgehog with some R Kelly, Marvin Gaye or Keith Sweat playing! ‘let’s get it on… AAARRRGHH BABY!’ However, music can also be used to switch up the mood. Picture the scene you are ‘grinding’ to the rhythm of a slow jam like Jodeci’s ‘Feenin’ and then it switches to ‘work work work’ –Rihanna. You can change position, change speed, change hip gyration and change the stroke count! JEEZ A u Dat Boss man!

With that said, switching to dancehall music might be above your current level. As TLC said ‘don’t go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes you are used to!’(for now). Rihanna’s voice plus the sexual euphoria might be sensory overload for you and your little man. Create a playlist of songs that set the mood, are not too fast (not until you are ready) and you both enjoy. Once you gain more confidence throw in some experimental songs- Mr Vegas-Hot Wuk?

Another upside of a playlist is it can act as a timer. It would be awkward if you kept checking your watch ever 3 minutes. I am sure your partner would become paranoid. Eventually, their mind may become filled with thoughts of why you are checking your phone:
“has he got someone else to see?”
“Has he got another woman coming round soon?”
“Is he checking to see if he is going to miss the football?”

Whereas, if your playlist has an average song length of 3 minutes; you can accidently on purpose time yourself. For instance, 2 songs would already be a minute longer than you are used to lasting. Moreover, 10 songs would be 30+ minutes- leveling you up to potential pornstar standards of performance. But it is not the time to do the ‘happy dick dance’ just yet. Long sex does not necessarily mean good sex either. You still need to fill those extra minutes with something worthy of its own feature-length soundtrack!



  1. Foreplay is not just a starter it is a ‘side dish’ and even a desert!

If some people’s sex is only lasting 5 minutes, then how long is their foreplay? 30 seconds? or ‘foreplay? What’s that?’

Foreplay is more than just a starter. Yes at the beginning it usually sets the mood. However, it also makes the sexual experience more pleasurable for most women. Fun Fact: Most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, this is achieved through foreplay rather than penetration with the D. Thus, in order to prolong your sexual performances use foreplay as more than just your opening act. It can and should be an on-going time out mechanism ie an intermission or bonus end credit scene.

Remember I said speak to your penis!

You: Hey buddy
Penis: Hey Bro, I am pretty exhausted man, I might be sick at any moment
You: No worries Broseph, I got you, Mr Tongue will give you a rest for a while
Penis: Thanks Brodomous, I just need a little rest and I would have cooled my head…
Vagina: Hey Mr Tongue, You were just here, I am surprised you came back so soon; I am really pleased to see!
Mr Tongue: No worries Queen, let me serve you….

In short, as I said in point 1- know your penis and your learn your limits. Find out when you are one stroke or thrust away from blowing your seed of life and falling asleep. Once you know this you can stop, reset and have a foreplay timeout. Without your partner wondering what is going on.

You might even earn some brownie points:

Partner: Girl…. He went down on me like 12.5times-It was amazing- he such a giving lover!
Girl: 0.5? Yeah I had to stop him- I just couldn’t take any more euphoria.
Partner and Girl: High five, Hug, cheer, tears of joy (I do not actually know if women would celebrate in this manner, I am man…)

Moreover, foreplay can include giving pleasure in many different ways. You might want to introduce toys into your intercourse, this again would give you time to calm down and prolong the sexual experience.

  1. Do some research ie Watch Some Porn!

Porn legend Nina Hartley once said the right kind of porn can “change men’s and women’s attitudes at their deepest neurobiological level.”

 So watch some porn! But think with your brain, not your penis. What did I say about talk to your penis? Don’t do that here! You are doing research; the only thing in your hand should be a pen.

Using your brain means doing research about your reality; not your fantasy. If you are not secretly a Japanese cartoon; then this is not the time to watch Hentai. If you have 1 partner and not 5; then this is not the time to watch orgies, bukakis etc. Watch a scene that will make you a better lover. What could that be? Well if you are in a heterosexual relationship watch ‘female friendly erotica’ or ‘feminist porn’. Think about it, most porn is made for a male audience. Therefore, if you are watching porn you are neurologically being programmed to know what men want to see. If you watch a scene that is designed for female viewers, then you are likely to watch a man perform in a way that women like. Hence, you may learn how to be more of a better and equal lover.

Most porn is inherently misogynistic because it perpetuates the narrative that sex is simply what men do to women and what women do for men. Porn rarely presents men and women as equal sexual partners. This negative narrative can perpetuate rape culture, abuse and in this case your ability to consider the desires of your partner.

Feminist porn presents sex as something equal partners partake in together in a consensual and giving partnership. This intern then creates healthy attitudes, positive relationships, unshackled sexuality, gender and a free and open sexual experience.

This research will empower you with the mindset, position, skills and ideas to truly satisfy your partner during your increasingly lengthier sexual experiences.

  1. Get to know your partner’s likes & dislike

With all that said, you partner might actually like 5-minute sex. Some people enjoy a ‘quickie’ more than a lengthy session. Some people like silent sex with the lights on and very little to zero foreplay. Doing your research into the world of porn you will soon find that there is a whole spectrum of ways people find sexual gratification. Some of them your partner may secretly be into and some of them they might be totally against. So, have an adult conversation together or even do research together… google ‘Cock Hero

There are plenty of other tips to help you last longer in the bedroom. However, as we said your main goal should be making sure each second, minute or even hour has been worth enjoying. 5 Minutes of passionate lovemaking is better than 69minutes of lackluster sweaty intercourse.

By
Antoine Allen
Tweet me at @Antoinespeakson

Here are some thought-provoking pieces about relationships

‘3Cs of Life; choice, chance and change- you must make the choice, to take the chance, if you want anything to ever change. ‘ Antoine Allen
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