Valentine’s day, Birthdays, wedding invites, double date invites, romantic movies and annoying happily in love people on Facebook are all a constant reminder that you do not have a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, boo, bae, lover, snuggle bunny…
 This reminder makes you feel upset and somewhat of an outcast on Facebook. Especially when, everyone is posting pictures of their partners, their holidays and what they have received from their partners. Namely, women boasting about the number of flowers their partners were willing to kill, to express their love for them!
love, boy, rose, Valentines Day

At this moment you begin to look at your own empty flower pots; pinning for some roses. Even though they will only wilt with time. But what do you have? You have just that; time. Time to find someone? Time for someone to find you? But most importantly time to find yourself!

They say opposites attract. To an extent, yes. But really we are attracted to people who share our interests. People we can share a laugh, movies and meal with. How long will the sharing last if you do not have any similar interest ie complete opposites. However, that is not the question here. The question is how do you find someone who shares your interest or even an opposite; if you do not know yourself!
Too many people do not know themselves, so they end up starting or getting in stuck in a relationship with someone who is not ‘right for them’. They end up writing that status stating ‘they[partner] changed’. When in fact, they are exactly the same as they have always been. We simply looked past the warnings signs of the true totality of their personality. Whilst, we finally come to a realisation of who we are and what we want.

So, being single is an opportunity. An opportunity to find yourself. An opportunity to use that heartache as fuel for your new journey; much like the story of Sam the 70 year old bodybuilder.( all kind of gains come when you are single!)

An opportunity to work on the person you always wanted to be. An opportunity to achieve those goals you set yourself. An opportunity to find love for yourself.

 They say you can not fully love someone else until you learn to love yourself. Often it is our lack of content and love for ourselves that makes us feel we need someone else to validate our existence. Someone else to let us know we are beautiful, intelligent and worth loving. YOU need to know you are beautiful. Feel it inside of you and appreciate it when you look in the mirror. Or your lack of love for yourself will only be a burden on your new relationship. And worse a weight upon your soul making it harder for you to move towards your goals, dreams and happiness.
We have all been in those relationships, where we find someone has become emotionally draining. At first, they say “you are so strong” and we say “I can be strong for the both of us”  but weeks, months or years go by and our strength has been drained by their constant negativity. Khalil Gibran says “Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
 
So use your time being single to make sure your own cup is full. Make sure the roots to your tree are strong enough to take care of themselves. Then you will enrich your new partner’s life rather than be a burden upon them.
I am no Khalil Gibran but I say a relationship is like a rainbow; Do not search for the rainbow, as you most likely will not find one. Even when you think your world is nothing but rain storms and cloudy days; keep looking up. One day that sunshine is going to shine in your life and you will forget those miserable days. However, until that time you need to find the sunshine within yourself. Be your own source of light and inspiration. This will allow you to be ready to marvel at the splendor when you finally find yourself that rainbow. Yet, understand it takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow; there will be good and bad days. Just say dedicated and patient.

So don’t go out searching for love. Find yourself. Find the things you love to do. The places you love to go. And you know what? the funny thing is; along the way you will find people who share your interests. The stranger thing is; you will most likely find that person you were not looking for; when you stopped looking for them. As you were busy finding yourself, they were busy finding themselves. Which resulted in you finding each other!

You found each other at a time whereby you both were enjoying something you love to do. It will be the first of many things you share together!

 One day that new sunshine in your life is going to look at you like they have been waiting to find you the whole of their life.

If you take one thing from this post, let this be it. To love, is to be open, to be open is to be willing to receive, to receive is to be willing to lose, to lose is to be ready for pain. But when ready for pain you can embrace happiness, when happy you fear no loss, for what you have lost the is only fraction of what you have received. When you’re open to life, you will love it.

So good luck on your journey through life. Remember to enjoy every step of this amazing life!
I always say the Three Cs of life are choice, chance and change; you have to make the choice to take the chance, if you want anything to change.
Let us know your thoughts
Have you found love after finding yourself?
Are you still looking for love?
Are you happy being single?
Please comment below and share; challenge someone to think a little deeperBy
Antoine Allen
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